There! Right There! One piece style
by ParanoiaQueen
Summary: The crew gets into a debate over whether or not Sanji is gay. Song fic...sort of. I wrote this well suffring from lack of sleep so sort of like a crack fic. Rated for language


**Okay first I still do not own One Piece but I am working on it. Second I also do not own the Song There! Right There! it is owned by... well I don't know but they aren't me. So if you haven't heard that song I suggest that you listen to it, you don't have to but it makes this better in my opinion. Now this doesn't make a ton of sense and I in no way support the pair that turns up in here but I needed it to make the story fit, please enjoy and if you love me than you will review, and if you don't love me but love virtual cookies than you will also review. Now please enjoy.**

Sighing Nami pushed a strand of hair behind her ear as she thought about what she could do to make this boring day more interesting. Glancing up she saw Sanji in the kitchen preparing something for the crew to eat.

'_How does he always look so good," _she thought, '_no other straight guys are like… wait a minet.'_

"There! Right there! Look at that tan, that tinted skin. Look at the killer shape he's in. Look at that slightly stubbly chin. Oh please he's gay, totally gay." The rest of the crew looked up at her with slight confusion in their eyes. She gestured at their cook to try and make them understand.

"I'm not about to celebrate." Usopp responded, "Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate. This guy's not gay, I say not gay."

"That is the elephant in the room," the rest of the crew chorused, "well is it relevant to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically radically fey?"

"But look at his coiffed and crispy locks," Luffy stated.

"Look at his silk translucent socks," Nami responded.

"There's the eternal paradox," retorted Usopp, "look what we're seeing."

"What are we seeing?" Nami questioned.

"Is he gay?" responded Usopp.

"Of course he's gay." Nami fired back

"Or European?" The entire crew fell silent after Usopp's explanation for their cook's strange behavior and appearance.

"Gay or European? It's hard to guarantee," the crew spoke amongst themselves, "Is he gay or European?"

"Well, hey don't look at me," Zoro added as all heads turned towards him.

"You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports," Robin added, "they play peculiar sports."

"In shiny shirts and tiny shorts," they had all seen that for themselves and went back to passing the question around. "Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks. They will say things like ciao bella while they kiss you on both cheeks.

"Oh please." Nami responded not understanding why they couldn't see the obvious.

"Gay or European? So many shades of gray."

"Depending on the time of day the French go either way," Zoro added.

"There! Right there! Look at that condescending smirk. Seen it on every guy at work. That is a metro hetero jerk. That guy's not gay, I say no way," Chopper said.

"That is the elephant in the room. Well is it relevant to presume that a hottie in that costume," the crew asked questioningly of each other.

"Is automatically-radically," Nami added.

"Ironically chronically," spoke Usopp.

"Certainly pertin'tly," chorused Robin.

"Genetically medically," cut in Zoro.

"GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY," the crew was finally convinced of the verdict, that is until Sanji came out swooning over Nami, "DAMNIT! Gay or European?"

"So stylish and relaxed," sighed Usopp.

"Is he gay or European?"

"I think his chest is waxed."

"But they bring their boys up different there. It's culturally diverse," started Robin, "It's not a fashion curse."

"If he wears a kilt or bears a purse. Gay or just exotic? I still can't crack the code."

"Yet his accent is hypnotic but his shoes are pointy toed," added Brooke.

"Huh. Gay or European? So many shades of gray."

"But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday," called out a bodiless voice.

"Is he gay or European? Gay or European? Gay or Euro-"

"Wait a minute!," cried Usopp, "give me a chance to crack this guy I have an idea I'd like to try."

"The floor is yours," Nami responded.

"So Mr. Black-Leg… This alleged affair with Robin has been going on for…?" Questioned Usopp.

"Two years," Sanji replied.

"And your first name again is…?"

"Sanji."

"And your boyfriend's name is…?"

"Zoro. I'm sorry! I misunderstand. You say boyfriend. I thought you say best friend. Zoro is my best friend," Sanji spoke quickly while the rest of the crew turned to face Zoro.

"You bastard! You lying bastard! That's it. I no cover for you, no more! Peoples. I have a big announcement. This man is Gay and European! You've got to stop your being a completely closet case. No matter what he say. I swear he never ever ever swing the other way. You are so gay. You big parfait! You flaming boy band cabaret." Zoro almost yelled.

"I'm straight," Sanji protested.

"You were not yesterday. So if I may, I'm proud to say, He's gay!" Zoro yelled.

"And European," the rest of the crew responded.

"He's Gay."

"And European."

"And Gay!"

"Fine okay I'm gay!" Sanji finally yelled.

"Hooray!" the rest of the crew yelled.

**And thank you for reading, hope you liked it :D Now I have a question for you, are you gay or European?**


End file.
